Chapter 6

     Still not there. Sorry people. But I am officially freaking out about going now, and not productive freaking, more like lie-still-in-a-state-of-absolute-panic freaking, in which I suffer waves of nausea, disappointment, and fear. Lots of fear. Crippling fear. But then I snap out of it and I go take a shower, or do some laundry, or devour TV Christmas specials. But the truth is, it's coming up very quickly from here. Less than a month now. I have to finish some employment paperwork which reminds me of college Statistics, then I have to pack. Those are basically it. Spoiler alert: My mum bought me a suitcase for Christmas. I am very excited to receive it and I will wheel it about behind me for many days after Christmas. I only found out because I found it. I felt bad so I told her, but the cat was already out of the bag. She thinks I snoop, but really there aren't that many places in my house that I don't go.
      They do this with candy all the time as well. Now that I'm on a diet I have a permanent excuse, but there is candy hidden all over my house, in places I supposedly "never look". Again, I pretty much go anywhere and everywhere. But truth be told I do like to shake what my momma gave me. By which I mean the presents that she hands me (what did you think I meant?). I've always been very good with guessing what wrapped presents are. One year my aunt bought me a guitar for Christmas and she covered in teddy bears before wrapping it so I wouldn't be able to guess. Ask my sister who sniped that one anyway.
     It appears though that my gift for guessing is growing faint, otherwise I doubt I would have picked the present I ended up with at the work Yankee swap. I received a head massager.  Yes, like on those infomercials from a couple years back. I will tell you, somedays I do look at it and wonder if it's use will make my hair grow longer. But looking at the pointy metal legs I decide instead it would probably rip out large patches instead, and I slide it back behind the non-fiction section on my bookshelf. Thankfully I made out much better at the family Yankee Swap with twenty dollars in iTunes money (I still have thirty on my account, they always send me emails saying "Did you know you have thirty dollars worth of iTunes money on this account???" Yes, I know. I just use mine much slower than other human beings.) and two packages of fancy chocolate, which I quickly wasted all of my Weight Watchers points on, forcing me into salad for lunch, dinner, and evening snack.

But I just want to wish a Merry Christmas to those who, like me, celebrate it, as well as to the rest of the world, I hope you enjoy all the shorter lines and less crowding at surely almost everything (except Disney World apparently...) Also I hope everyone enjoys their Hanukkah, Kwanza, winter break, and  anything else you may be celebrating!!